...

As the stars shine
and the city lights blink
on a cold sidewalk
the smoke lingers.
Refusing to break apart and disperse.
Lungs hurt,
To match the rest of my body.
Everything aches.
It pains.
It cries.
It yearns.
It misses.
Feelings of in-between
Here and there.
Dream and reality.
On a cold sidewalk I shiver.
Resolutions spur.
Ideas are born,
the commit suicide,
they die.
Epiphanies come.
The stars endlessly shine
as the city lights blink.
Time passes.
Very slowly...
It passes.

Happiness...

We're always searching, looking, grasping, crawling...
Not finding...
We fill our time,
Buy houses and decorate.
New cars and not so happy, happy hours.
Turn up the music,
Drown out the sound.
Watch thousands of pixels hours on end.

We complicate what is so easy.
Unplug from everything.
Listen to the country creek,
The warm sun upon your face.
Feel the wind across your skin,
Watch the birth of a new day.

Happiness cannot be bought,
nor marketed, or advertised.
Happiness is simple.
To be happy is truly the easiest of things.
You must not ask, nor seek or try to find.
It just is, it comes, it arrives just in time.
You must only be.

I am afraid...

I am afraid to die.
But that has never stopped me from taking another shot
nor stolen my breathe leaving me incapable to smoke.
I'm self destructive.
Like dropping bombs on my hometown.
A bar fight with myself.

I'm afraid to die like it is guarenteed to happen tomorrow.
When in reality the chances are slim.

I'm naive and still young,
However fear prevails.
I'm afraid to die.

I'm afraid to die,
I have not loved fully,
nor transformed progressiely,
I have not suffered enough,
Nor smile or laughed to stasify.
I have not made enough msitakes,
or been forgiven a few times more than I deserve.

I'm afraid to die,
Because I have not lived...

The weary, damper souls shed their tears...
Depression was an epedemic which plagued us.
Then finally this hell froze over,
Some greater power sent us a sign.
Our tears froze and turned into snow.
It floated down upon us,
Letting us sincerely know everything is going to be okay.

Thoughts and Mind

My thoughts consume,
they conquer, they claim,
My mind it spins,
It rushes, it sprints.
There is no quiet,
There is no calm.
My thoughts they scream,
they run with scissors.
My mind is gone,
It is lost and too humble to ask for directions.
It is sick,
but refuses to take its medication.
My thoughts they pain,
they cut, they injure.
My mind controls,
It provokes fear.
There is no quiet.
There is no calm.

Day by day

Everyday I feel farther away,
I try to feel less becuase the pain is unbearable...
Our distance on the map is inches,
I couldn't feel farther,
And my heart feels like we could on other sides of the earth...
My hear strings pull,
My eyes well with tears,
Waking up slowly become difficult.
Each day worth less than the day before...
Each day we are further away from the last time...
No next time in sight...
I feel unreachable,
I'm confused,
My heart is inverted,
like a flag in distress...
It keeps beating,
like the flag keeps waving,
quietly and carefully it slows,
The blood still flows,
It keeps on beat...
until one day the pulse stops...
and I'm gone.

As the blade stabs,
pierces and cuts,
the blood slowly flows.
Holding the wound,
trying to breathe,
stumbling and tripping forward.
Your vision goes in and out,
eventually it goes black.
The overcoming feeling of cold.
The realization you are about to die.
What you see now are the your last memories,
probably the longest
and most precious moments of your entire existence.
Nothing makes sense like the media depicted,
the white blindding light is a myth.
All you see is the wore down city,
littered with garbage and grime.
The ground is cold...
that's all there is to it...
and one second your holding on...
and the next you are gone.