For those we may not know, depending the day I am a pesimist about love. I question it's existence, I doubt it's power, i focus on the associated pain. Other days I'm a secret romantic who knows soul mates exist and if it's meant to be, it will be.
You are the exception. You are everything I have ever known. There have been many before you andd there could be more after, however as of right now my heart is rented to you. I may hold back, for I cannot give you everything, every fiber of my being, let you into every part of me. You may not occupy my whole heart, however, there's only you. It has not always been you and I can't promise it always will be you... the future is unsure, I'm indecesive, things change.
I sometimes see you as my soul mate... god I sometimes can't take myself seriously, people may not understand, however it isn't for them to understand. I don't need anyone's approval, not my parents, not my friends, I don't need to follow societal influences and trends. It's just you and me. I would like it to be that way forever, whereever we are, maybe our own handcrafted world, just you and me, and that may be all that matters.
I need to stop asking questions, over analyzing everything, every moment, every word, forward and playing it back. The tone of voices, the meeting of eyes, the location of caresses. Clear my head, come to peace with not knowing if tomorrow something will change, if someone won't be here, that one of us might feel differently. I can't promise you anything. I don't even make promise to myself.
Love? Seriously... the universal cliche. What is love? It is only about how you feel together. If it feels right. Maybe it's not a perfect match, well personally women set standards so high, no man could fullfill them. I have few expectations, I just want to be happy. In all aspects, I want to be able to be happy alone, and once together I want nothing to change. I want excitment and spontaneity, I want to laugh and smile, and not know where the time went when we're together. I want to be crazy and misunderstood, I want to be at peace, I want to feel alive. I want all of that possibly alone if I cannot have that with you.Just know always a part of my heart will always be dedicated to you.Our love goes on...
Friday, October 28, 2011
Sunday, October 16, 2011
I'm not good
Small conversation after small conversation I've lied, because no one wants to hear the truth... No one asks "How are you?" (in any language) to hear a response which is not "good."
Well I will tell you here and now, I am NOT good, I'm NOT fine. I don't need to be okay, I have the right to be unhappy, to be completly out of control, to maybe question everything I do and say.
I feel like I haven't been happy, if anything happy by circumstances. Happy becuase an era was coming to an end. Happy in the fading world of known. Happy because I didn't know anyone or thing. I've been happy, don't let me mislead you. I'm just not happy now.
I don't care if it just takes some "adjsuting" or if is something I cannot control. I just have always felt I'm waiting. A constant cycle of survival until a unexpected encounter with happiness. The happiness all but fleeting.
The struggles are real... I feel trapped here, trapped in this city, this school, within these walls as times in bad company. Trapped, without even a light to guide me.
The struggle to find yourself, to do well, to know what you want to do, to know who to befriend and who to let go. Everything is a question, asking who the things you might not know the answer to quite yet.It's overwhelming.
Step after step, follow your feet. They somehow always lead the way. Keep walking, keep thinking, keep questioning. Scream outloud every once in a while. Find inspiration and notice the little things. Get through the day becuase there aren't enough hours in the day to do everything, how can yesterday and tomorrow fit too?
You can't be afraid of unhappiness in which might worry people about and are concerned about. You CAN'T be happy all the time, nor fine, you can't be oaky. You can be angry, frustrated, sad and enraged. Maybe there is nothing to smile remembering, nor anything to look forward to today however we always haave tomorrow and if not tomorrow the next day. I promise you, everything will be okay even if it is not today. I'm not good either.
Well I will tell you here and now, I am NOT good, I'm NOT fine. I don't need to be okay, I have the right to be unhappy, to be completly out of control, to maybe question everything I do and say.
I feel like I haven't been happy, if anything happy by circumstances. Happy becuase an era was coming to an end. Happy in the fading world of known. Happy because I didn't know anyone or thing. I've been happy, don't let me mislead you. I'm just not happy now.
I don't care if it just takes some "adjsuting" or if is something I cannot control. I just have always felt I'm waiting. A constant cycle of survival until a unexpected encounter with happiness. The happiness all but fleeting.
The struggles are real... I feel trapped here, trapped in this city, this school, within these walls as times in bad company. Trapped, without even a light to guide me.
The struggle to find yourself, to do well, to know what you want to do, to know who to befriend and who to let go. Everything is a question, asking who the things you might not know the answer to quite yet.It's overwhelming.
Step after step, follow your feet. They somehow always lead the way. Keep walking, keep thinking, keep questioning. Scream outloud every once in a while. Find inspiration and notice the little things. Get through the day becuase there aren't enough hours in the day to do everything, how can yesterday and tomorrow fit too?
You can't be afraid of unhappiness in which might worry people about and are concerned about. You CAN'T be happy all the time, nor fine, you can't be oaky. You can be angry, frustrated, sad and enraged. Maybe there is nothing to smile remembering, nor anything to look forward to today however we always haave tomorrow and if not tomorrow the next day. I promise you, everything will be okay even if it is not today. I'm not good either.
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