Here's a Thought

Why do we always have to leave?

Why are we always leaving, always going?
I mean 10 years of packing bags and unpacking and re-packing. I never unpacked fully, a week goes by pretty fast.
Time in unmangable. It goes by too fast, it passes too slowly... everything seems to happen at the wrong time. That is the problem with time. However time is nothing at all. Solely a humn invention to mark events. Our lives are built of seconds and days of the week. Second by second, day by day, year by year. Time really is nothing at all.
However the whole time we are leaving, we are going, we are moving... house to house, border to border. We never learned how to stay, how to live...
I left and therefore I can't stop you from leaving... nothing will defer your path... not my words, not my love, nothing. I'd be a hypocrite if I tried to stop you.
I was always running, first in place and now thousands of miles away. I don't know how to stay. You're no different.
Maybe there is nothing good in this world, maybe people are as evil and corrupt as many think, maybe society isn't so good afterall... maybe our lives are run by corporations and people buying into the same products that slaughter the 3rd world, maybe all we touch we damage... but there is still good in this world.
Good that never makes the news headlines. The world is always falling apart and we blow it up across newwspaper headlines and the 6 o'clock news. We don't want to hear about the small things, the small goods things that someone somewhere did for no reason at all except becuase they were part of the same human race or did for no reason at all. These things will never make the headlines, maybe they are heard by word of mouth or are seen by a passerby. These small things, small acts of kindness are what will keep us going.
All the people who stand up when no one else does, the people who scarafice for other's with no alternate motive, the people who are hard to find and can't be found.
These small things, these courageous people will save us, from drowning in the evils of human society. Not everyone is here to make a dollar no matter who it hurts, not everyone is power hungry, not everyone buys name brands which add to the destruction of the world. You need to know I see it differently. I want you to seee, to know as I know. That there is still good in this world. That eliminating yourself from our lives will help no one, it will change nothing. Only with your voice, with your actions, your influence can anything change.
We were always leaving, going, moving, packing and never unpacking it was barely a life at all. I don't want to keep doing this, I don't want you to go, I don't want you to die. I may not know you, and I want the chance to know you, the chance for you to change everything. You have soemthing to say, something to do. You can't leave us without saying what needs to be said, what needs to be done. You can't leave me here, alone.
Why do we always have to leave?

It was implanted in our minds

All my life, born and raised in the United States it was implanted in my mind that there is certain things we should strive to be.

The television, advertisements, every aspect of our society has brainwashed us. Brainwashed into thinking bad about ourselves if we are not the right weight, think the right way, do everything the way which was predecided.

It has become normal to be anorexic or belimic, which are two of the most common eating disorders. Then there is: Pica,  Geophagia,  Plumbophagia,  Trichophagia,  Pagophagia,  Amylophagia,  Lithophagia,  Cautopyreiophagia,  Acuphagia,  Coprophagia,  Xylophobia, Geomelophagia, Mucophagy, Gooberphagia, and Ortharexia nervosa. 

Our society is raising us to think this way. These thoughts are repeatidly enforced  into our minds. 

We can't walk past a reflective surface without looking at ourselves. With passing thoughts of judgement.

We are raised to be the worst critics of ourselves physically. We think thoughts that destroy our self-esteem. We go without proper nutrition for days in hopes of losing a few pounds.

In all honesty...I'm no different.
My mind has been programmed as everyone else's. I have struggled with these problems as I find most have at least for a short period. I should understand the danger. I once had a friend who was on the verge of self0desruction, almost on her death bed to lose weight. When people noticed she didn't eat, she would eat and then throw up in plastic bottles which she hid in her room. These stories should haunt us. Forworn us, stop us from making the same mistake. However we find hapiness in our outer appearance.
Not to mention we are constantly being judged by others, strangers and often even by our friends. These judgements only add to our pre-existing doubts, they confirm all we thought bad about ourselves. When all this adds up we take action or lack of. We stop eating. We eventually lose weight which brings fleeting hapiness.
However this fleeting hapiness makes us happy none the less. The lose of weight enforces of the idea that it is okay not to eat. The lose of weight not only brings happiness but acceptance. Acceptance into a society or clones, and nobodies, and people who don't matter. If I have to be a certain weight, fuck them. If I have to think and do everything the same way, fuck that.
However I have my faults. I have failed too before. I mean have you ever gone 3 days without eating? Our answers don't always make us proud.
However these thoughts were implanted in our minds... they might destroy us. Destroy all individuality, all the rounds blocks that don't fit into square holes.

Everything has beauty just not everyone sees it

I´ve never lived in the city, I never could walk past a street begger without smiling. And it´s not a malicious smile. Maybe the city has hardened you. You no longer care for one another. I can´t grasp this concept. I´m a by-prodcut of a small town. I care without pretense.             
I wish I had more to give you. I would give you what little I have if I could spare it. I want to empty my pockets into your outreached hand. However, I, like you, my pockets remain empty.                                                  
I give you a warm smile not only becuase that´s all I can give you but becuase I care. I care if you are here reaching out, begging and if you weren´t the next day. Everyone walks past you without a single peso or penny dropped into your hand, they didn´t even meet your eyes. As if you need to possess something to be human. Without money you fleed to a street corner, becuase it was the only thing you could do. You didn´t chose to be here, I doubt you want to be. However since you are here with your outreached hand you are no longer seen as human. The same as a stray dog that people became accustomed to seeing, accustomed to walking past without a single pull on their heart strings.                      
One day I´ll sit down next to you and ask for your story. It would mean the world to me to simply understand. Even if I have nothing to give you, there is something I can do. I can show interest in you, interest no one has bothered to show. I will smile at you, an all hearted, caring, thoughtful smile because I´m not from the city. I care without pretense. I only wish I had more to give you.



Souvenirs of God

Souvenirs of God. This theory or idea or passing thought was one put forth by my friend.
That each sunrise and sunset is a souvenir of God. Then we debated God. It didn't necessarily have to be God, but some spirit, something more, some energy. Each beautiful beginning and ending of the day was a gift, a remembrance, a relic, a reminder of something more, something greater than solely us.
I have doubts. I think everyone at some point has doubts or questions which cannot be answered. We ask them to provoke thought. I believe the answer must come from us. There is no one answer that we all must find but each of us must find our own.
Religion is belief in a supreme being or beings, a belief in God or gods. It is practiced through faith, obedience, prayer, and worship. There are thousands of religions which each offerr a different answer, a different god, a different ending.
I apprectiate the idea that each sunrise and sunset is a souvenir or gift or reminder becuase it's birth is under no religion. I'd like to believe in something fully. I appreciate the idea of belief, the idea of a mass of people believing the same set of ideas, the gathering to worship or pray together. The gathering to worship is no more beautiful than the gathering to watch the sunrise together, the beginning of a new day. I find beauty in the church but no answers to my doubts.
However, I will never stop looking.

The Streets of Calpan

Your first question might be where is Calpan? Well it is a rural town in Mexico. Most of the people depend on the land and growing crops, more specifically corn. The majoirty of streets are not paved. The houses are typical Mexican style and to be blunt run-down. However, they provide the shelter their owners seek. 

I lived in Calpan, Mexico only for 5 days. I slept on the floor, went without showering, ate the local food and worked in the field. In my spare time which I spent with my friends I looked at my feet. 

While looking at feet, I looked at the ground. It became normal to see garbage scattered throughout the town. The roads were filled with broken glass and fragments of tiles.

This is the collection of things I found. Tiles from recent construction, half a marble, broken glass and a piece of a coke bottle.

I believe that these fragments of what use to be describe my time in Calpan more than the pictures, or memories, or writings. These fragments capture Calpan for me. I must point out that no one understoodd why I was collecting these tiles and glass off the ground. Even after explaining first in Spanish and then in English no one understood. However, this I have found is okay. It is okay becuase I understand why. These fragments of tiles and broken glass mean soemthing to me. I can't say exactly what. You may never understand and I may never understand fully. Ni importa. 

Get Out of the Box

 Get out of the Box is more than a drawing or an idea. It is more a way of doing things. The action of "Getting out of the Box" is equivalent to being you. Doing what you want to do because you want to, despite the opinions of others. We must define ourselves. I don't think anyone ever knows who they are, however no one should want to be someone else. We are made original for a reason. We are not products of some factory production line. We are solely ourselves created from chance, with love, or by mistake. However we are the by-products of invention, creation, imagination, and inspiration. We are here and we have the choice, the opportunity, and the freedom to choose who we are and who we will be. We can adapt, we can change, and we can be anything we dream. The possibilities are endless. All there is left to do is decide. Then change and change your mind again.