You.

You. Out of everyone. Out of everyone,  I didn't notice you. I forgot you. I don't know why that was. You made me remember you. You made me want you like you wanted me. How could I break something that didnt exist. You weren't anything. But, you forgot me like I had forgot you. You made me crazy, filled my head with thoughts of you. Now I'm crazy for you. And you don't want anything from me. Out of everyone, I forgot you. You made me remember you. I wish you had forgotten before you reminded me.

You were my Drug

You are my metaphor, the endings of my beginnings of my sentances You are my uplift to disappointment and you cushioned all my crash landings. You made me smile when I wanted to do anything but, you were everything. You'll never know how much you meant to me. There were no others, just me and you. 

You were my drug. It the most metahporical sense. I didn't want to go a day without you, almost as if from addiction. You soothed my problems like a good trip. You made me happy when nothing else would. When the world looked dark there was always you. You're the most powerful drug, stronger than crank, crack, LSD, weed, mushrooms, every drink cocaine, than every drug in existence. There were no harmful side-effects... your drug filled me up and kept me feeling high. You were my drug, and our drug was absolute love. 

I've Always wanted to Say

For the majority of my life I have dedicated most of my time with my friends... rarely ever did I have to deny a friend in need for family obligation.

I just realized even though I currently have good friends who make the passing time more enjoyable, today I'm proud to say one of my friends invited me to do something and I prefer to spend the time with my family. "I can't.. I'm going to eat with my family, then go to the mall with my family and see a movie and have coffee." You can really find family anywhere.. and I found one here in Mexico.

I've always wanted to say that. Inbetween leaving the house, getting kicked out of the house, problems from all directions I ran to my friends who got me through the toughest times in my life. I've jsut always wanted to say "I can't, I am doing something with my family."

This Is Why I Don't Want to Know Your Name

The other night history has repeated itself. How many times have you met someone interesting of the opposite sex. Someone who you might have instantly feel attracted to? How many times has this happened..
A few days ago I met a guy like many times before. Except along with the few others I asked or knew the name things thus far have not turned out so well.
It's as if asking for their name and establishing some connection some knowing ruins all future possiblities. I will never forget the best nights especially where you find someone to share the night with.
However I have one referenc point but the morning after I felt no regret. The night I kissed a random stranger in the "calle de beso" or the street of kissing. Just like that, a good story, no regret.
All the other times I knew their names. Just knowing that broke my heart a little every time because they never made a move after. That's why I don't like playing the game. I have given up so many times because of heartbreak... and every time, the last time is forgotten it happens again and I am reminded.
This is why I don't want to know your name.

This is how fragile it is.

Someone died today. I don't know who. But when my family comes home crying after hearing of a death, I can't not do anything.
One day someone is here and the next they could be gone. This is what we never fail to realize. What we always forget. How fragile life is... and once it is gone... it will never be brought back. That person will only live on in our memories and in our hearts.
What can we do? At a time such as this? What do you do as an onlooker to grieving? What words do I possess to ease the suffering. The suffering, slow and painful of my loved ones?
I woke up today as if it was any another day. The sun is still shining, the wind still blowing... but it doesn't feel right for me anymore.
Someone died.

Here's a Thought

Why do we always have to leave?

Why are we always leaving, always going?
I mean 10 years of packing bags and unpacking and re-packing. I never unpacked fully, a week goes by pretty fast.
Time in unmangable. It goes by too fast, it passes too slowly... everything seems to happen at the wrong time. That is the problem with time. However time is nothing at all. Solely a humn invention to mark events. Our lives are built of seconds and days of the week. Second by second, day by day, year by year. Time really is nothing at all.
However the whole time we are leaving, we are going, we are moving... house to house, border to border. We never learned how to stay, how to live...
I left and therefore I can't stop you from leaving... nothing will defer your path... not my words, not my love, nothing. I'd be a hypocrite if I tried to stop you.
I was always running, first in place and now thousands of miles away. I don't know how to stay. You're no different.
Maybe there is nothing good in this world, maybe people are as evil and corrupt as many think, maybe society isn't so good afterall... maybe our lives are run by corporations and people buying into the same products that slaughter the 3rd world, maybe all we touch we damage... but there is still good in this world.
Good that never makes the news headlines. The world is always falling apart and we blow it up across newwspaper headlines and the 6 o'clock news. We don't want to hear about the small things, the small goods things that someone somewhere did for no reason at all except becuase they were part of the same human race or did for no reason at all. These things will never make the headlines, maybe they are heard by word of mouth or are seen by a passerby. These small things, small acts of kindness are what will keep us going.
All the people who stand up when no one else does, the people who scarafice for other's with no alternate motive, the people who are hard to find and can't be found.
These small things, these courageous people will save us, from drowning in the evils of human society. Not everyone is here to make a dollar no matter who it hurts, not everyone is power hungry, not everyone buys name brands which add to the destruction of the world. You need to know I see it differently. I want you to seee, to know as I know. That there is still good in this world. That eliminating yourself from our lives will help no one, it will change nothing. Only with your voice, with your actions, your influence can anything change.
We were always leaving, going, moving, packing and never unpacking it was barely a life at all. I don't want to keep doing this, I don't want you to go, I don't want you to die. I may not know you, and I want the chance to know you, the chance for you to change everything. You have soemthing to say, something to do. You can't leave us without saying what needs to be said, what needs to be done. You can't leave me here, alone.
Why do we always have to leave?